I don’t think I have ever been so determined to change my current situation.
Theo, the 13 year old I take care of, made me so angry to the point where I literally didn’t know what to do. The situation wasn’t even worth the argument that it caused, but it just ruined both of our days because we are so stubborn. I just walked out. This is the second time that I have done that and it’s just because I don’t know what else to do.
He keeps saying he’s sorry, but it doesn’t help when you continue to do the same thing over and over again. Don’t be sorry, be better. How do you change a person if it’s all they know. How do you stop a behavior that someone has grown up with. How do you help to raise someone else’s kid without stepping on the toes of the parents. Theo could never be my son because I wouldn’t have let it get this far. He rarely gets told no, so it makes it so much harder when I do it. Working with him has just shown me that it’s Theo’s world we all just live in it. It’s either his way or the highway. And I can’t live like that. No anymore.
There’s a lack of respect that he has for me and I don’t know how to get it back. Long talks aren’t working, yelling isn’t working, reasoning doesn’t work, and being nice doesn’t either. I just want him to succeed and be the best person he can be, but he is making it so hard for me to stay.
What’s even worse is that he is setting a bad example for his little bother. The same one who has now gotten into the even worse habit of copying everything his brother does. Theo sings a song, so does Bud. Theo wants a snack, so does Bud. Theo doesn’t want to do his homework, neither does Bud. So you can see how problematic life has become if the sole purpose of me being there is to help these children get better at school.
They are making it so hard for me to see myself doing this for the rest of my life. I thought I was great with working with kids. They are beginning to make me doubt that.
I love kids, I love working with kids, and I enjoying making kids happy, and watching them succeed. But it’s day like these when I ask myself, “Are you sure you can do this?” and not only that but I tend to tell myself, “You can be doing so much more with your life and earning so much more as well.”