Letting Them In

How I do I tell my friends that I am not the person they think I am? How do I let them know that they strong, confident, courageous, out going person they see me as is somewhat different from the person that I am behind closed doors.

How do you even approach a topic like this. Oh, by the way there’s something that I need to tell you. You in fact don’t know everything about me, here are the crazy parts that I have been conveniently leaving out for the past 5 years.

Look, I am not saying that I haven’t shared some things with them, but when you have been hurt the way I have in the way that I have you find it very difficult to open back up to people. i.e. when your best friend basically states that your friendship wasn’t what you thought it was and that they were tired of you, and that you need to in fact seek help for your problems, you tend to become more closed off with your emotions.

I used to be transparent when it came to talking about things, at least with him and now I am as clear as mud in the middle of a torrential downpour. Why should I be forthcoming with my feelings if I am not sure of how people are going to take them?

But, I guess that’s life right? And trust and all that jazz. I guess what I am getting at, is it too late to let people into your world of crazy? At what point has that door closed for good?

And if it is still open….

How do you even take that first step inside?

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