I Need To Stop Doing This To Myself

Damn Daniel,

Back at it again. Similar atmosphere, different guy, rougher conditions..

I guess I should stop going back to guy’s rooms, huh?

He didn’t go too far, well actually he didn’t do anything. He just kept pinning me down: on the chair, on the bed, against the wall. He also kept grabbing my face and was trying to kiss me.

He did, however, the very last time he had me pinned in my room, try and force my hand down to his you know what.

Basically, all night he wouldn’t let me leave, and then said, “Oh I’m just messing with you. I love messing with you. I wish you could see your face. If you didn’t want to kiss me you could have just said no.”

Let the record show, I said no & I said stop, several times.

Half of me was turned on by what was happening and the other half was worried that he would take it a step too far and actually not let me go.

Does that make me a bad person? 

Either way though, I was extremely nervous about the situation and he could tell that and that’s partly why he continued to mess with me, which I didn’t like. Because I thought he was being serious and I was genuinely scared.

I don’t know what’s going on with me. Granted, I’ve never had guys want me before so this is all a new experience for me and I guess I’m just trying to figure out how to handle myself.

Of the three guys in the past week who have tried something with me, I reciprocated one. Because, I like him.

But, like I said. I’ve been hit on more times in the past week than I have in my entire life. So you know when you get too much attention too fast it all goes to your head? Yeah, that hasn’t happened yet. I’m still just trying to figure out what my appeal is as well as trying to build my confidence. I’m all talk and little action and guys just need to respect that for now.

I’m also not trying to sleep with someone I just met. That’s not, nor will that ever be me.


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