A Trip

I took a trip to to New York to visit some friends. I took a trip to get out of the constant feeling of always being needed to do something. I took this trip because I needed a break.

I don’t know if it’s helped.

I’ve been here two nights and each one consisted of nightmares. Well, technically not, but they were weird and bad dreams.

Two nights ago, my first night, I don’t really remember what I was dreaming about, but I know I didn’t like it. I also kept waking up every other hour which was frustrating.

Then last night, I had the type of dream where I woke up within the dream and started to become hysterical. I was hyperventilating and I started to cry. The more I cried the worst it got. My friend woke up as a result and tried to comfort me, but that just made it even worse. It got to the point where I couldn’t stop and was in a full blown panic attack and I finally woke myself up in real life, but in a similar panic of heavy breathing. My heart was racing and I felt like it was going to start all over again. But, I was able to calm down after about 20 minutes.

I’ve never had a panic attack, so I’m not entirely sure what it’s supposed to feel like. But that sure as hell felt like one and it was terrifying even if it was just a dream. It just felt so real and it came out of nowhere which I think is what made it worse.

Aside from the fact that I haven’t been sleeping well, my trip so far has been good. I’m halfway through and I feel relaxed and I’m even starting to hear back from jobs that I applied to. Positive things.

I hope the rest of the trip goes well and I hope the bad dreams stop.

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