Please bear with me as I work through some thoughts and emotions that are weighing me down.
I think I have developed a fear for dating.
I don’t want to do this anymore.
I want to just rip the band-aid off and meet someone in person.
But I am afraid that they are going to hurt me.
In fact, for the most part. I am now afraid that any guy I meet is going to hurt me.
That feeling comes and goes, but when it’s intense it’s intense.
And I simply cannot stand it.
Currently, it’s intense.
I wonder what life would be like right now, if this didn’t happen to me.
I feel like I was robbed of so much.
I feel like I can’t enjoy my down moments fully because I am constantly thinking about what ifs.
Who would I be if this didn’t happen?
Would I still be the same me I am today?
Who’s to say that for sure?
I was doing so well and that was all taken away from me. He stole my joy, he stole my fitness, and he stole the biggest part of me.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about what happened.
There also isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t ruminate over the different effects that that one night had on my life.
So many other days have been ruined as a result of that one night.
How do I tell my friends that I’m not always okay and I don’t know if I fully ever will be?