But I Stayed

I said NO, but I stayed.

So what does that mean?

Does it mean that I wanted it?

Does it mean that I wasn’t strong enough to leave?

Does it mean that I just didn’t care about what happened to me?

I said no, but I stayed.

I didn’t enjoy any of it, because I wasn’t ready for any of it.

But, I stayed.

I should have gotten up and went back to my room, but I didn’t… 

I stayed.

I should have called it a night, the second I became too uncomfortable, but I didn’t… 

I stayed.

I’ve been asking myself every day since it happened why I stayed and I can’t seem to come up with a reason good enough to make it okay. Maybe I was curious. Maybe I liked the attention? Maybe I didn’t want to upset him by leaving? Maybe I didn’t want him to look at me differently? Maybe I was afraid to stand up to him?

But whatever the case may be, one thing remains the same.

I said no. I said stop. But, he didn’t listen.

alex…

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